Friendship in the Mundane: Reaching Afghan Women

One of the first gatherings with Afghan women that I attended was a baby shower. I remember being surrounded by women who looked downtrodden, shy, and even disinterested. I felt discouraged, wondering how I could possibly break through the barrier that seemed to occupy the space between myself and them. But once I struck up a conversation with them, I saw their faces light up, the darkness that seemed to be upon them lessened, and they leaned into the conversation. I observed older Christian women teaching younger Afghan women about motherhood, offering their support, encouragement, and presence. I felt the room fill with warmth as seeds of friendship were planted.

These women have shown me that fostering friendship with refugees is vital for further discipleship and ministry.

Cultural Context

Because of their cultural context, Afghani women need to be ministered to by other women. There are several reasons this should encourage Christian women to seek engagement with Afghan women specifically. Afghan women typically find themselves in isolating contexts and crave relationships with other women. In many cases, the women’s husbands are away at work, leaving the women alone at home for the entirety of the day with little to do, especially if there are no children present. Imagine living in an entirely foreign country, left by yourself for hours on end, day after day.

There is a real need for connection and a sense of safety that Christian women can provide through friendship! Not only are these women lonely and sometimes depressed but they are also unsure what to do with their time. They are open to opportunities for developing new relationships, attending outreach events, and other invitations to enter deeper conversation and friendship. The willingness to step outside of their comfort zone relationally is an opportunity for spiritual comfort zones to be pushed and the Gospel to be shared.

Hospitality is Key

Women are also more likely to be invited by Afghan refugees into homes than men are. Being welcomed in a home as a woman often allows for open conversation about the Gospel. The women are more open to having vulnerable and revealing conversations over dinner in their own home, as opposed to less intimate or public settings, such as large outreach dinners. The men in the homes are also then exposed to the conversations as well.

The first time I had a Gospel conversation with an Afghani woman was at her apartment several months ago. We became friends at an outreach dinner gathering, and she then personally invited me over to have tea with her. Our conversation began to flow naturally as we realized we weren’t as different as we thought. This conversation eventually led to a discussion about our respective religious beliefs and I introduced her to the Gospel. It was because of her hospitality that we were able to talk so freely and comfortably, and it taught me that hospitality often requires boldness.

Christian women must be prepared to open their own doors and welcome these people into our own lives and homes, as I have seen sisters in Christ graciously do as well. My mother is a great example of this! She invited a Muslim couple over for a Christmas dinner with our family and we taught them how to make gingerbread houses while they taught us Afghan songs on guitar. The swapping of cultural knowledge not only helped us to understand each other and created familiarity, but it led to a closer friendship that we still have today. Mutual hospitality fosters trust, which is often what these women are craving.

Doing Life Together

Life-on-life ministry is of particular importance in sharing the gospel with Afghan women. Many gospel opportunities are made possible due to the depth of the relationship between women. Sharing the gospel with and discipling Afghan refugee women requires investing in the relationship. They want to be seen, loved, and cared for. The greatest witness to the gospel that Christian women can have is to care for Afghan women well through friendship, while displaying all the fruit of the spirit, rather than expecting great theological conversations. This can be described as showing the Gospel alongside telling the Gospel. Both are absolutely necessary in ministry to Afghans.

I have found that, once the proverbial door has been opened for a Christian woman to develop a friendship with an Afghan woman, one can expect to be invited into their homes for tea, as they crave the conversation and connection that they have been lacking. Thus, fostering friendship with these women is what often allows for greater gospel conversation.

Opportunities to share the gospel in these life-on-life moments are surprisingly plentiful. The women are not always outwardly understanding or accepting of what is being said, but they can see and experience the love of Jesus through the intentional attention given to them. Investing in these women can be expressed in a multitude of different ways that are often more mundane than expected. Most outreach opportunities look like baby showers, tea times, drives to dentist appointments, and gatherings over dinner. In these mundane life events, we work to weave the Gospel into conversation as we develop friendships and trust the Holy Spirit to work in the hearts of the women. By developing friendship and inviting these Afghan women into deeper fellowship, Christian women have the opportunity to work as the hands and feet of Jesus.

I encourage and invite you to become involved in pursuing genuine friendship with refugees, as it has potential for God to use it to bring them to Christ. If you’re interested in befriending Afghan refugees and live in the Raleigh area, check out Refugee Hope Partners for opportunities to volunteer.