Debunking the Myth that Kids are Resilient: How Parents, Churches, and Mission Agencies Can Work Together to Develop Resilient Kids on the Mission Field

There is a mantra in the missions world: “Kids are Resilient!” While this statement may sound reassuring and encouraging to parents of missionary kids or third culture kids (TCKs), it is ultimately a myth. Children are not innately resilient; we cannot throw them into any difficult situation and expect them to swim rather than sink. Although the sentiment behind this statement is well-intentioned, the statistics tell a very different story

Third culture kids experience significantly higher rates of depression, anxiety, and stress than their monocultural peers. [1] A recent study indicated that 88 percent of Gen Z TCKs experienced mental health concerns before adulthood. [2] Missionary kids experience nearly twice as much trauma as children living in the United States. [3] 47% of TCKs reported struggling with symptoms of suicidal ideation. [4] These sobering statistics reveal a reality that churches and missions agencies cannot afford to ignore.

What can churches and mission agencies do to come alongside families and help ensure that TCKs flourish?

Three Ways That Missions Agencies Can Help

Lauren Wells, an accomplished author and researcher of TCKs, rightly observes that resilience in children is not intuitive; “it must be built, nurtured, and cared for.” [5] Sending organizations play a critical role in developing resilience in children, and the first step is recognizing that resilience is not guaranteed. There are many practical ways mission agencies can support and strengthen the resilience of their missionary kids.

1. Don’t Value Strategy Over the Family

Mission agencies live in the world of strategy. Leaders rightly focus on how to bring the gospel to those who have never heard it. Strategy is important, but a host of problems arise when mission strategy is prioritized above family health.

If the family unit is not thriving, then the family will likely not stay on the field long-term. At that point, even the best strategy becomes irrelevant because there is no one left to carry it out. Mission organizations should never sacrifice the well-being of the next generation on the altar of organizational strategy. Healthy families are the foundation of healthy, sustainable ministry among the unreached.

2. Prioritize and Fund the Health of Third Culture Kids

Mission agencies can support families in a myriad of creative ways before and after deployment. I can’t say enough positive things about how my agency, the International Mission Board (IMB), cares for missionary kids.

The IMB employs member-care counselors who specialize in children’s mental health. They provide a seven-week pre-deployment school that helps TCKs navigate transition, learn about their future culture, and they even teach them how to deal with practical challenges such as international travel and immigration at the airport. The organization offers educational guidance for parents, as well as annual camps and conferences for missionary kids. These initiatives demonstrate not only a commitment to sending missionaries but also a desire to see their children thrive.

3. Consider Major Life Transitions

The nomadic lifestyle of a missionary family is often disorienting for everyone, especially children. It is a life marked by constant transition, but not all transitions are equal.

Moving from one country to another is a major transition. Returning from the field to the United States, whenever that occurs, is another major transition. For many families, the most challenging transition comes when they send their children off to university.

Mission agencies can support families in a variety of ways during these significant life transitions. Each family and every transition is unique, but support begins with recognizing that the family is experiencing a major transition. Once the organization acknowledges this reality, it can rally around the family and provide the support they need.

Four Ways That Churches Can Help

The local church has an equally important role to play in helping develop resiliency in TCKs. In fact, the church that sent them out knows them better than the organization with which they serve. The church was concerned with their salvation, discipleship, and spiritual health long before the mission organization knew their name.

What can the church do to continue building resiliency in these missionary kids after they have been sent?

1. Learn Their World

The United States is not home for TCKs; the country in which they are growing up is. Churches can go a long way toward building rapport with the missionary kids they sent out by learning about their world.

Ask thoughtful questions about their new home. Do some research on the country yourself. Learn as much as you can about the place that your TCKs call home.

2. Visit Them

There can be tremendous value in a church sending a team, not primarily to do ministry, but to minister to their missionaries. Come bearing gifts, snacks, and handwritten cards from home.

Our sending church recently did this for us, and it was so beneficial not only for us as adults but especially for our children. Our church brought our kids gifts and handwritten notes from our church family. They spent intentional time visiting with us and going to our kids’ favorite places. Care trips like this also help churches better understand the world of their missionaries.

3. Connect with Them

Connect regularly with the missionary kids, specifically to learn about their world and ask meaningful questions. This communicates to TCKs that they are not forgotten and that what they are doing matters.

Technology allows us to stay connected now more than ever, so take advantage of it! Our boys have spoken with several kids from Sunday School classes, Awana groups, and Mission Friends groups. It was incredibly encouraging for them to take the lead, answer questions, and interact with children from several of our partner churches.

4. Pray for Them

A pastor friend of mine often says, “God moves heaven and earth according to the prayers of his people.” I firmly believe that because I have seen it proven time and time again.

If God’s people pray without ceasing for their missionaries and their work, God will do amazing things. Of course, churches should pray for the ministry activity that’s taking place on the mission field. However, as you pray for what the missionaries are doing, don’t forget to pray for the missionaries.

Pray for their marriage. Pray for their children. Pray for the health of the family unit. God uses the prayers of His church to advance the gospel to the ends of the earth.

A Call to Care Well for TCKs

Third culture kids are not obstacles to the mission; they are a fundamental part of the mission. God has entrusted these children to their parents as their primary spiritual influence. Churches and mission agencies play a major role in partnering with these parents to help develop resilient children in the mission field. Rather than assuming that children are resilient, we must help them to become resilient. Parents, churches, and mission agencies can work together to foster an environment in which resilience can be nurtured and developed through intentional care, healthy relationships, and strong support systems. When churches and sending organizations intentionally invest in the next generation, they not only strengthen missionary families and the work happening today, but they also help raise the next generation of disciples who will take the good news to the nations themselves. Kids can be resilient if we help them.